Today, I want to focus on reviewing a recent trip to Knoebels, but I quickly want to announce a new, email address which can be used to reach out to me! That's right, I'm offering you a direct line to me, not my dozens of secretaries!
The email is: thequestionableprogrammer@gmail.com
Now, on to the review!
First, let me make it clear: in no way do I mean to bash Knoebels; I had a wonderful time, and would certainly recommend it to anyone looking for a good time! I have also never visited Knoebels; therefore, I may be comparing it to Hersheypark, a park I am incredibly familiar with.
Allow me to set the scene: my twin and I were picked up by two gentlemen who we will refer to as Tory and Gavin. We then proceeded to pick up a friend, who we will call Caleb. We had one other pal who planned on driving himself and meeting us there; let's call him Ezra. Now we have introduced the whole gang.
Now, it's time for the first stupid idea of the day: this Caleb kid, although smart, has his, uh, moments. In the parking lot, he decided that it would be a good idea to show his concealed carry, 9 MM. Now, please remember: this is a family-friendly amusement park, and not a gun show. We quickly advised him to put it away after he assured us that it was not loading. So, in the locked glove compartment it went. Quite the start to our day, I must say.
So by now had entered the park, and were making our way towards the back of the park to pick up or admission wrist bands, which Noah and I received for free due to some amusement park agreement. The first ride we did was actually the ski lift ride. We did this because Ezra arrived a little late, and we wanted to do something simple while he waited for his ticket. The ride went up a somewhat steep hillside, which seemed to frighten Tory. Every time we'd stop, he'd flip out. I then had a sudden urge to look into accidents that had previously occurred on that ride; I did find one, but I don't think he died.
After we finished there, we did it a second time with Ezra, who greatly enjoyed making Tory panic by shaking the cart. Here's a video of Caleb (left) shaking the cart, causing Tory (middle) to freak!
After the second go-around, we decided to try what I like to call "discount Fahrenheit", comparing it to the rollercoaster at Hersheypark named Fahrenheit. The real name of the ride was Impulse. Despite the name, the ride was quite fun and enjoyable. The smaller car, seating only eight, offered a ride to really just my group of friends, and it was nice to see all of their reactions and talk to them throughout the ride. My name originated from the fact that it had similar movements to Fahrenheit, despite the fact that it was about half the length. Although it still had the vertical start, the crazy turns, and the thrill of Fahrenheit, it lacked one other component. True shoulder restraints. These were lap restrains. Imagine Fahrenheit, the ride shown below,
and then imagine the ride shown below, lacking the same restraints as Fahrenheit:
Regardless, we were safe, and it was still a lot of fun. I highly recommend this ride, especially because this is the only metal rollercoaster there to my understanding!
Moving forward, we decided to make our way towards the bumper cars, which were supposedly some of the best out there. Now, I can agree to this, despite the fact that many of the riders did not know how to drive! The bumper cars ran at a decent speed and offered great turning. Hersheypark offers lap restraints in their bumper cars; Knoebels does not. Regardless, the bumping and bouncing was still a lot of fun! I wish the track was larger however. Not only was the track small, but this lead to frustrating and frozen traffic jams. Nevertheless, would still recommend them since they handled so well! Best in the world? I don't know about that! Look here. I find Denmark's take on bumper cars interesting and exciting; no set direction, no vertical pole to complete the connection, and a lack of tight seatbelts. Ironically, Tivoli, the Danish amusement park, had based their design off the American wild-west!
Maybe I'll review Tivoli at some point. This was years ago however, and it's hard to remember specifics.
After the bumper cars, we decided to check out the haunted house. Now, recently, I visited Ocean City, Maryland for the first time, and I had a blast! The scenery and environment was fun, but the people were rather stupid it seemed. That's for another day though; the point was, I had a blast on their terrifying haunted house. Got a nice picture too:
Anyway, they had employees act as "spookers". There was a Mikey Myers, a Ghostface, a Ring girl, and I could have sworn there was a dude with a chainsaw! These guys were excellent at their job, and they really improved the horror experience! Kudos to you OC MD! Now, back to Knoebels. With this experience in mind, I began to set expectations for the Knoebels haunted house. I knew their wouldn't be live actors here, but I will say, the props themselves were still pretty good. They really got me with lights, sounds, and fast objects. There was this one semi-truck who blew his horn and turned his lights on right in front of us; that really got me.
So, in hindsight, not as good as OC MD, but still pretty good for a family amusement park. With that being said, they do have a second haunted house; I did not get to try this one however, as it wasn't open, which was unfortunate, because it seemed more interesting/unique to me. It's called Black Diamond if you're interested. I'm assuming they didn't open it due to a lack of staffing.
After the haunted house, we walked over to their version of the Coal Cracker, the Skloosh, which to me was rather disappointing. My friends seemed to like it however. Perhaps they liked it because you could pay a quarter to splash a cart with a geyser! They asked a kid on the side to splash our car behind them, and we managed to convince the kid that they didn't mean our car. Thanked him on the way off! I didn't like it because it had a few turns, and one major hill at the end. Hersheypark's had more speed and it was longer. It felt like most of the ride was spent going up hills to be honest. The best part was when my brother said his signature line at the top of the hill: "Are my socks gonna get wet?"! Regardless, I'd still ride it. Would I attend Knoebels just for the ride? No. Probably not.
When we finished at the Skloosh we headed over to get something to eat. We noticed a kid had a frosted cookie on a stick, and my friends desperately wanted to try it. We decided we'd find it after the rides, something of a treat before we leave. We found possibly the most crowded food court in the park, and ended up waiting fifteen to twenty minutes for reasonably priced food. We also found a horse racing/skeeball game, reminding Tory of the GTA V casino! He decided to try and play it until he won the Bob Ross plush. Although he was not successful, he was good. Caleb and him blew at least five dollars on the game ($1 per game).
After this, we finally remembered that we had to ride the best wooden coaster in America: the Phoenix. Lasting two minutes, reaching a top speed of 45 mph, and a max height of 78 feet, I didn't expect amazing results. Boy was I wrong. This ride was certainly the most fun! It also explains why we waited in line for about a half an hour. The thing with this ride that makes it so special is the fact that it does not have any seatbelts! This meant, you would get some serious air on the ride! We all had a blast, and could not stop laughing! I was too scared to let both hands off the bar, but it was certainly more fun than worrying! It reminded me of the comment at Hersheypark, but better. It's hills were similar, although I think the Comet is slightly shorter, and more boring. The Phoenix was born in Texas in 1947, and reborn at Knoebels almost 40 years later! Both the Comet and the new Phoenix were manufactured by Philadelphia Toboggan Coasters.
Finding it hard to leave such a fantastic ride behind, we considered hopping back in line, but chose not to after seeing the line. We then proceeded to head to the Cosmotron, which I thought was the same thing as a Gravitron. It was not. It was most definitely not. Nevertheless, it came out to be one of my most favorite rides there. They displayed a light show corresponding to the song Two Princes, by Spin Doctors. I love this song, so I had a blast. We think they played Thunderstruck during the ride before us. Compared to Hersheypark's Music Express, this rides was significantly better, despite being smaller and not as fast. This ride turned off the lights, sped up, slowed down, turned around, and just offered a great time in a dance-party-like environment. I would've done it again if we had the time! Highly recommend! I didn't even hurt my hip like I do in the Music Express! Ezra, however, did not like it. Ezra says, "Children on the ride produce soul-piercing screams; I have hearing loss". This is Ezra's way of saying he had a good time!
Next was the Stratosfear. The ride Noah and I both despised for me not to be terrified, I demand a horizontal velocity component! Drop towers don't have that. Close to the Hershey Triple Tower at Hersheypark, the ride stood at a max of 189 feet. Now, let me make it clear: I did not like the Triple Towers. Any of them. And Hershey's was the tallest; so I was somewhat concerned about this. Now, believe it or not, the ride was somewhat disappointing. The ride went up incredibly slowly, gave little warning of the drop, and only did one drop. Tory was all for the ride until he was on it, which is when he began to regret his decision of riding the ride; the drop car just kept rising! I convinced my brother by acknowledging the fact that we may never ride it again. I probably wouldn't pay for that ride; too quick. However, it did go 2 MPH faster than the Hershey's at top speed! Although Caleb and Ezra liked it, I did not. If this is your thing, go ahead. Try it. I won't recommend it though!
After that, we decided to visit the Twister, another wooden rollercoaster. Although it wasn't as fun as the Phoenix, it was still awesome! This ride seemed to be the fastest wooden rollercoaster I've ever gone on! For reference, Lightning Racer at Hersheypark has a top speed of 50 MPH; the Twister has a top speed of 51.5 MPH. Boasting a ride length of two minutes and ten seconds, the ride offered the classic, "OMG, I'm gonna lose my arms if I put them up" for a considerable amount of time. I knew it was gonna be a good ride when I felt the deck rattle as the car flew by! Comparing it to Wildcat at Hersheypark, the ride had more large drops, and a lot less pain! There was still some pain, just less! But what do you expect? That's half the fun! All in all, not as good as the Phoenix, but definitely the second or third best wooden rollercoaster I've ridden (Lightning Racer rivals it!). Highly recommend!
Fun fact, Lightning Racer of Hersheypark was ranked the 6th best wooden roller coaster in the nation according to some chart the Phoenix displayed; the Phoenix was #1, hence why they showed the chart!
We then set off to find the goods we've been waiting for. Food. The others were quick to find the cookie sticks. Caleb found funnel cake. Gavin almost threw up eating the entire cookie! I wanted something else: cotton candy. I never had it, and I wanted to feel like a kid again. I got a $5 bucket of cotton candy, and scarfed it down. It tasted like fur, but dissolved really quick. Unfortunately, when it dissolved it left a slight after taste, but that was it. What I did eat I liked however. I liked petting it because it was so soft and fluffy! All in all, worth the money, and I am now satisfied.
As we were walking to the food, we noticed a train, and decided to ride it once we had eaten. It was a nice break for Gavin, and a nice trip for me. Certainly not as good as the Hersheypark train, but still pretty good. It was a mile and a half long if I remember correctly. The seating was tight, and certainly aimed more towards children, but I was at least hoping it'd be more accommodating towards adults! Here's a picture of the seating:
After that, we decided to ride the ski lift one more time, just to enjoy the view, as well as recap on our day. All in all, it was a good day. I wish we could have ridden more of the rides, but the staffing seemed too limited to open all of them on a Monday. One of the rides I wanted to get to was the Flying Turns ride. Look it up! The prices were very reasonable, and was just really pleased with the experience we had there!
Thanks Knoebels!
Well that's it folks.
As always,
Thanks for reading,
The Questionable Programmer
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