Hi readers,
College is often described as the best time of our lives. It's all partying, drinking, adventuring, and liking.
But that's simply not the case. Not for me at least.
Sure I have my friends up here and we do our fair share of activities. This semester alone I've seen the northern lights, went cliff jumping, and went kayaking down the Portage. The list goes on.
But I often worry that things may have been better if I hadn't come up here. Allow me to explain a few reasons.
Jobs. They're already hard enough to get. Networking and connecting with employers back home is really tough from up here. I'm basically riding on previous networking connections to find internships. It's not like there aren't great employers here. Hell, that's why a lot of students come here.
But do these employers match the life I want? I don't think so. I wish senior year Ben put some more thought into that.
I'm a sophomore. This upcoming summer or the next is stereotypically the summer I'm supposed to be interning. But I'm worried I may not find one. I have Co-Op opportunities it seems, and I actually have an interview for one tomorrow. I may have an internship with another dream company too. I should be scheduling an interview for that one soon!
But if these don't work, I'd feel pressured to take an internship in Michigan. And I really don't think I can spend a summer in MI alone. That's just not what I want. I have too many things I want to return to in PA.
Next reason. Connections. Sure I'm building connections up here, but are they permanent? Just about as permanent as any college connection. You see them maybe once a year. I can count how many people I'd like to continuously see on one hand if I'm being quite honest. But high school? I have a lot of friends that I'd like to keep from there. But it's hard to keep these connections when I'm 1000 miles away. So that's constantly on my mind and I'm constantly trying to reach out to friends back home and stay connected. But harsh responses or the lack of any response whatsoever is really painful. Especially when it's with someone whom you used to be really close with.
Sure, some connections back home don't seem to be going anywhere. But what about the little ones? The people who may not know how much they mean to me? Those are the people that keep me up at night.
Moving on, we look at experiences. Allow me to say this: there are some things I look at in other schools and I say, "man, I wish I had that opportunity".
But then I am reminded of what I have here. I have the wonderful outdoors, snow, and Tech hockey! But don't get me started on our football.
But there are more experiences than just these. What about everything from my high school career? Robotics events? My day trips with the boys? Birthdays? All the other fun stuff I have going on back home. These kinds of events live rent-free in my head. Not these school events.
Now that I ranted a bit about some of the worries and problems I'm currently facing, allow me to make light of my situation. Or at least try to.
I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm in a water-winter wonderland. I'm trying to embrace that. To make college and my past decisions meaningful. The sense of independence this builds. The beauty and respect for PA that it builds.
Moving forward, I'm going to try and have a positive mindset.
On the bright side, I've been working out recently. The endorphins and self-improvement that come from working out are truly something special. It keeps me healthy and makes me more self-confident. And that's important during these challenging times.
Ever since I returned to school, the VFD has presented itself in a new light. After assisting my hometown department, the age of this department shows. But that just makes me want to step up even more. Is this good? Well, it depends on how you look at it.
Academically, probably not. Mentally, yes.
Firefighting and a lot of the culture that comes with it help take my mind off of my worries and sadness. I've grown some connections on the VFD and even made some new friends on campus through it. I'm proud to be a part of such an organization.
Although my classes may be more difficult this year, I don't think it's too much for me. I still think I have a healthy balance. I was able to find time to write this, wasn't I?
But anyway. I think that's enough for tonight.
Writing these thoughts down helps.
I sometimes wonder if anyone reads these. But nonetheless, an orchestra can still perform when there is no audience.
"When the going gets tough, the tough get going"
- Knute Rockne
